Colbert Imagines That Boring GOP Cocaine Orgies Would Still Exclude Ted Cruz (Video)

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Stephen Colbert clearly finds GOP consultant Madison Cawthorn’s claims of orgies and cocaine use amongst his fellow Republicans hilarious. Because he opened Wednesday’s episode of “The Late Show” with a chilly open gag impressed by it, this time attempting to think about simply what these orgies would even be like.

And whereas the imagined orgy was as “boring” as some Republicans claimed DC truly is IRL, it wasn’t so boring that attendees would let Texas Republican Ted Cruz in. Ouch.

As all the time, the chilly open kicked off with a supercut of stories explaining the premise, and so then we could. For these catching up, on Sunday Cawthorn appeared on the “Warrior Poet” podcast, where he said this:

“Look in any respect these individuals, a whole lot of them that I’ve regarded as much as by way of my life, I’ve all the time paid consideration to politics. Then abruptly you get invited, ‘oh hey, we’re going to have a sexual get-together at one among our houses, it’s best to come.’ What did you simply ask me to return to? And you then understand they’re asking you to return to an orgy. Some of the individuals main on the motion to try to take away habit in our nation, and you then watch them do a key bump of cocaine proper in entrance of you.”

Republicans have since gotten kind of mad, publicly about this. Minority chief Kevin McCarthy, who has already had to “speak” to Cawthorn several times before this, was amongst them. Why they’re so mad about one thing they insist isn’t true is unclear, however mad they’re. Some are additionally insisting they’re confused by the entire thing, together with Arizona congressman David Schweikert, who stated this:

“I’ve been right here a decade, and moreover the very fact we’re simply merciless to one another, at many ranges, it’s one of the boring locations. Truly, it’s one of the banal locations you’ll be able to think about.”

And that, readers, is the idea of Colbert’s chilly open gag, which repurposed footage from Stanley Kubrick’s 1999 erotic thriller “Eyes Wide Shut,” to think about simply how boring and banal issues can get. So it’s that within the repurposed clip, introduced as if it’s C-SPAN footage, Republicans attending an orgy are as a substitute operating by way of factors of order prefer it’s a congressional committee assembly.

They debate totally different sorts of intercourse toys and what sorts of acts will likely be permitted. Sen. Chuck Grassley even will get mocked for wanting to make use of corn as intercourse toys. “Look, I do know you’re from Iowa, however not everyone seems to be into corn play,” the orgy’s parliamentarian says.

Then comes a knock on the door, adopted by audio clips of Texas Republican Ted Cruz saying, “I’m Ted Cruz and I wanna be within the intercourse occasion.”

“It’s Cruz! Quick, flip off the lights!” the parliamentarian says.

Watch the clip beneath:

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