Miami Activist Mails Butt Plugs to “Naughty” Florida Officials

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Deerfield Beach resident Chaz Stevens — a self-proclaimed web stunt activist who ran the now-defunct weblog MyActsofSedition.com — has been described as “an boastful, extremely smart, profane, misanthropic, resourceful, and nihilistic fellow with a twisted humorousness.”  Regardless of what anybody thinks of his crass model of political activism, Stevens produces outcomes, which embody the arrests of three elected Broward officials in 2009.

Stevens, a militant atheist, is chargeable for installing Festivus poles (y’know, the yuletide vacation invented within the ’90s sitcom Seinfeld) at nativity scenes on government-owned property throughout the state of Florida, all within the title of spiritual freedom and the separation of church and state.

But ever since Stevens introduced his retirement in 2016, vacation seasons have not been the identical.

Until now.

New Times has confirmed that the Chaplain of His Holy Boner (as he calls himself) has returned from a five-year hiatus to launch a brand new group: Mount Jab Church, Holy Church of the Vaccinated. This yr, Stevens is celebrating the vacation season by sending a particular present to native public officers on his naughty checklist. In lieu of coal, he has despatched butt plugs — no, make that huge butt plugs — er, big-ass butt plugs that weigh 9 kilos and are eleven inches lengthy and 5 inches large.

Stevens says the checklist of recipients of the mortar-size derriere equipment consists of Fort Lauderdale Mayor Dean Trantalis, Hollywood Mayor Josh Levy, Hollywood Police Chief Chris O’Brien, and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, together with a container of Crisco vegetable shortening, plus condoms (“for security”).

“Their heads are to date up their goddamn asses, so I figured after they take their heads out, they will want one thing else to put up there,” he tells New Times.

click to enlarge Butt Plug Chaz Stevens Courtesy Thetweetofjab

The butt plugs weigh 9 kilos and measure eleven inches lengthy and 5 inches large.

Having taken a break to give attention to his remote mental healthcare business, Stevens says he was coaxed out of retirement by a collection of political slights, injustices, and questionable pandemic decisions which have outraged him sufficient to put his intercourse toys the place public officers’ heads are.

Mayor Trantalis earned a spot on Stevens’ naughty checklist when town rejected the activist’s requests to erect a “Fauci Claus” cardboard cutout in a public space, informing him that town didn’t put up shows by personal people on public land.

“He ignored me at his personal peril,” Stevens says.

The matching plugs for the mayor and police chief of Hollywood are linked to town’s backing of a controversial plan to build a condo on public land overlooking the beachfront. When resident Catherine Uden introduced that she deliberate to attend a block occasion dressed as a high-rise apartment in an act of protest, the Hollywood Police Department advised her she’d be arrested if she adopted by and advised anybody why she was carrying the getup. (After the nationwide information media coated the skirmish, Uden wore the costume to the block occasion with out incident.)

Viewing the prior restraint as an assault on the First Amendment, Stevens put Levy and O’Brien on his checklist of Florida officers who #GotDonged.

click to enlarge Butt Plug Mailing Labels Chaz Stevens

A bag of dicks? The butt plugs have been despatched through the United States Postal Service.

Stevens is rustling up a particular deal with for DeSantis. Along with the package deal of anal intercourse toys, Crisco, and condoms, Stevens is mailing Florida’s chief govt an engraved glass pineapple butt-plug trophy.

DeSantis earned Stevens’ particular trophy for hiring Surgeon General Joseph A. Ladapo in September. Ladapo, who has ties to fringe teams that promote bogus COVID-19 treatments, is now in command of the Florida Department of Health and the state’s COVID-19 response, which is a step too absurd even for Stevens.

“There’s no different one that deserves a butt plug up their ass than Ron DeSantis — with love and tenderness and many Anal-Ese,” he imparts.

click to enlarge Got Donged Chaz Stevens Package

The #GotDonged package deal features a humongous butt plug on a leash, vegetable shortening, condoms, and various knickknacks.

The #GotDonged packages have already been despatched to lots of the naughty winners, an inventory that additionally consists of federal lawmakers Matt Gaetz, Ted Cruz, and Jim Jordan.

Mount Jab has launched a TikTok account whereby Stevens says he’ll publish movies of artists drawing political figures with penises for noses. He says his “elves” have manufactured “Fauci Claus” cardboard cutouts of the president’s chief medical advisor, Dr. Anthony Fauci, in a Santa swimsuit and mailed them to the halls of Congress right this moment.

Last week he pulled an analogous stunt at the Florida Capitol, displaying cardboard cutouts of “Fauci Claus” and “Grim [Tucker] Carlson” posed beside Festivus poles.

Stevens says he has obtained dying threats over time and understands the perils of reinserting himself into the activism enviornment. But he welcomes the joys.

“This shit provides me a boner,” he confesses.

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